JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
