I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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