i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
