dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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