I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
