we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
