Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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