He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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