I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's just like the Real World with babies
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
