Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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