I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
