NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
