Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
