Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
