Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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