Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
