then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
