I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize