If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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