these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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