Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize