Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
