Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
