Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize