made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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