I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
