this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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