is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
