My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
