on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize