u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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