are you still at the devil's house?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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