Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
