just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hippo gnu deer
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
