Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
