Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
