By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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