I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
