Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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