I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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