I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This baby is an asshole
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
