I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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