Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
