Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
