Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
