you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize