Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
