I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I smell stomach acid.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My liver just had a heart attack.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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