Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
