you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Terrible idea I love it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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