There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
