I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
