I'm so fucking centered right now
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
