white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
