You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I came so hard my ears popped.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
