I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
