Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
