i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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