honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
