I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
