It's Friday. Sex?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
