apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
