Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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