eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This house was built for laser tag.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
