fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
