I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
