He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
