I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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