I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
