Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The uberlube is also flammable
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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