I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
